We knew it was only a matter of time, didn’t we?
We’ve been hearing the rumors for years and we’ve been witnessing the decline of his four marriages on television for weeks now.
And yet: It still comes as a surprise, doesn’t it?
It still seems surprising that Kody Brown has finally taken on a fifth spouse.
Over the past array of Sunday nights, TLC viewers have watched one wife after another complain about Kody.
Christine has said she’s jealous almost all the time as a result of her unusual romantic arrangement.
Meri has said the relationship is dead and over and Kody just admitted the two never make love anymore.
Heck, even Robyn, the youngest of Kody’s wives and his presumed favorite, doesn’t sound totally happy to be part of a plural marriage these days.
“I was feeling, like, bad. I was feeling not right,” the Sister Wives star told Us Weekly a couple days ago about Kody spending so much time at her house amid the COVID-19 pandemic.
“This is not fair. I mean, I chose this lifestyle for a reason and when things are out of whack, it bothers me.”
“I’ve lost a lot of sleep because of it. And I don’t understand the choices that are being made as far as our family is concerned, but I have to respect them… I do feel bad and it’s made the whole family experience really hard.”
So, like we’ve said before, all the Sister Wives appear miserable.
Which must make Kody miserable.
Which easily explains why he’s once again expanded his immediate family.
Yes, Kody has once again gotten married — in a spiritual sense, that is.
According to anonymous sources, the fifth wife is named Bonnie Dwyer.
She is 40 years old, making her even younger than Robyn and likely sparking even more jealousy between the spouses.
“Kody was looking for someone vibrant, someone still of child-bearing age in case he wants another kid,” one insider explained.
“He has connections in the world of polygamy and a friend told him Bonnie would serve his every need, whim and desire.”
What do we know about the latest addition?
Bonnie is a native of Utah (no huge surprise there) and, like so many other women who end up in this kind of situation, comes from her own polygamous family.
She has 13 siblings, 9 of which are half-siblings; this is to say, they share the same father, but have a different mother from Dwyer.
By all accounts, she’ll also be featured in the next season of Sister Wives, which helps explain in part why Kody decided to get hitched again.
With fans complaining about boring, stale storylines… and with ratings dropping over the past handful of years… the program will now have a brand new storyline on which to focus.
No word yet from Kody nor Christine nor Meri nor Robyn just yet about Bonnie.
We haven’t received confirmation from TLC executives, either.
And we think we know why…
… because APRIL FOOLS, everyone!
This is all just a joke and, as far as we know, Kody has not actually married a fifth sister wife.
Did we fool you? Do you now hate us? We’re very sorry, if so.
If it makes you feel any better, just remember that Kody probably will add another spouse someday. So this wasn’t a complete fabrication!